A Disheveled Salesman

simplyfiredstories submitted 512 days ago

My name badge says, "Disheveled Salesman"

When you first enter a retail outlet, such as xxxxx think deeply about what enters your mind. Is it the wondrous awe of impending purchase, or is the lackluster love for service that drew your attention to such an astonishing establishment? I vouch, for myself and with others who wear the stripes proudly, or in my case perhaps not so proudly. You see, when you are hired on with xxxxx not only are you excited by the bulging pay and benefit package served to you like a prime rib from the mouth of a middle aged retail managerial dinosaur, no that's not the only thing. Due to the increasing demands by the man in the black coat all employees will now have to purchase their proud stripes.

Fresh out of twenty bucks with a new monkey suit as a new employee of XXXXX you will embark on an adventure into the depths of retail. Be warned, this is not a tale of happy tree elves who eat creamed filled pastries all day, this is a story of tragedy drenched in sarcasm and redneck rampage.

My first day at xxxxx was filled with mystery and awe. I stared into the bloodshot eyes of the staff with great excitement, while trying to comprehend this awesome responsibility of my job. As my eyes wandered and the sweat poured from my pasty head, I saw in the faint distance a figure of religious implication. A man who so sophisticated and yet so humble approached me, his gleaming five foot three body stood in direct opposition to the background fluorescent glow. His smell was the smell of sweet enduring tobacco. His demeanor was that of a callous hell bent redneck ready to hunt you down like the dog of a person you are. I was sure at any chance this fellow of confederate disposition would sink his obscene persona upon me and he did. The days flew by like the wind that carried me to the establishment each day. My manager ever becoming the hellish redneck I loved so dearly. Each day was a rogue maneuver and attempt to block the redneck powers.

However, my enduring love for sales was to end. I had done the ultimate wrong thing to do. I helped a person. Yes I know, please don't start writing hate mail. Read on. A crazy old couple buys a computer and I offer to help them transfer files from their old computer. Crazy old couple offers two hundred bucks. That was a weeks pay. I do the job, but the crazy people call up the office and threaten to sue the company because their Internet Explorer toolbar is screwed up. "You're fired", proclaims my redneck boss. "Good riddance!" I tell him. My boss wanted my money from the job. Let me tell you that he did not get it. I still have my monkey suit, name badge and I kept the money.