Didn't See That Coming
"Can you come in the office with Tom and I? Please shut the door behind you."
"We've made an offer to hire Tim Smith. He's going to start the beginning of the year."
"That's great" I lie. This was wierd and getting wierder. Nothing good was going to come out of this. I didn't have any idea where this was going. Perhaps they were looking out for my feelings, and assuring me that hiring this new guy would not jeopardize my potential with the firm.
I had worked as a professional analyst at this company for nearly 7 years. A small top-heavy consulting firm with 4 professionals plus me, and 3 administrative people to support us. I was the "in-between" guy.
"We think you should start looking for something else."
Heat. Panic. Racing pulse. Say that again - I don't think I'm understanding the words and phrase you just used. It was almost like japanese or german. I don't understand. What? I beg your pardon. It sounded like gibberish that came spewing out of your mouth, but am I being let go? Fired? Terminated? Oh my gosh. THis is not happening. This is a bad dream. No, it's a bad nightmare. The only possible solution is to wake up. Then it will all go away. Disappear. And I'll be back at my desk like nothing happened, but I'll try harder now. I'll work more hours. I'll take work home. I promise. Things will improve. You'll see. I'm a smart guy. I have good ideas. Give me a second chance.
It's not like the firm was in trouble. That's why they were hiring Tim Smith. These guys made so much money they were swimming in it. They were letting me go because they didn't like my work. They liked me, but I just wasn't cutting it.
But I have a wife and 3 little girls. And I moved to this god-forsaken place 7 years ago, leaving my friends and my wife's family behind.
Wait. Wait. Just slow down a second. Please take back what you just said. Something hurts. I don't know what it is. I"ve never felt this before. Stop it. Please, stop it.
Wait. Wait. OK, I have an idea. I think we could take this idea of mine and I could be the champion of this new thing we can do. I can do it. You'll see. Just give me a chance.
"No. Sorry. We've made this decision and it's final."
So that's it, huh? 35 years old, with a wife and 3 kids, and I'm out on my butt. An undergrad degree. A masters, and I'm fired.
"We'll give you a good reference. This wasn't personal. We like you. We do. We think you'll catch on somewhere else, and you'll do great."
Oh my gosh. This is real. He really just told me that I'd catch on somewhere else. I won't be driving to the same office I'd been driving to every day for 7 years. And my wife. Oh my gosh. How can I tell my wiife this? What am I going to say? How humiliating. I feel so low. Like a worm. I used to be somewhat cocky, and self-assured. Now, I'm just fired.
At home, I nearly cry as I tell my wife that they've told me I should start looking for another job. What am I going to do? We'll be OK she assures me. She's right, and it comforts me.
Next day, I go thru the McDonald's drive thru with my youngest. I see the guy taking my order. He's got a job. He's going to get a paycheck this week, and next. Look how hard he's working. He is good at his job. I was bad at mine. Bad. So bad, that I GOT FIRED. I want to hide under a rock. It still hurts.
Next day at work, my "boss/friend/co-worker/owner of the firm" actually says these words to me: "Do you know how much I sweated and worried about doing this over the past week?" Are you kidding me? What an incredible ego-centric self-centered jerk.
It's been 9 years. I now live back home. Still happily married. Better job. More money. But if I try and recall, I can still drum up that terrible pain. And it still hurts.
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People never seem to realize, until it happens to them, that being fired is one of the worst things that can happen to you. Therapists will tell you to put it behind you and move on, but you can't. Especially if you've been at the company a long time. You spend 40+ hours there, you spend more time with your co-workers than you do with your family. You know every inch of the building where you work, you know what time the custodian comes in, you know which drink machine is likely to eat your money. You bond with your colleagues even if you don't like them. You know all about them, about Ron's cancer diagnosis and Mary's daughter who's living with an abusive boyfriend. You know who to call to get a purchase order rushed through (good luck with that one) or what to do if, God forbid, there's a bomb threat to the building.
I had worked as a secretary at a state university for nearly 17 years. It was a very stressful job at times and the pay sucked. But it had great benefits which is why I stayed.
At times I was unhappy with my dead-end job but I never seriously considered moving to another department on campus. I'd heard too many horror stories and knew I had a good thing where I was. Overall, I was mostly satisfied with my job.
Then a new systems manager was hired. She was in charge of all the computers in the buidling and maintaining the student labs. We'd had trouble keeping this position filled so the hiring committee decided to go for someone older and more settled, instead of a younger person who would likely leave when a better offer came along, as had happened twice before.
"Laura" (not her real name) and I got along fine at first. We had a lot in common, children the same age, and we often had lunch together. We were each other's sounding board for work and personal problems. I was there for her when her 15 year old daughter got pregnant. She was there for me when my father died. But gradually, I came to realize that Laura was not doing the job she was paid to do. She was frequently out of her office and didn't answer her cell or pager. Students would need help in the lab and she wasn't available. I caught the backlash from this and it was very upsetting. People would charge into my office demanding to know where Laura was because they couldn't log on or get into their account. I quickly became overwhelmed and angry. I was there every day on time, but Laura started coming in later and later. She said the chairman had told her to take "comp time" since she sometimes worked at night or on weekends to maintain the labs, when no one was there. But I didn't see how she could possibly have that much comp time. I take the blame for not handling this through the proper channels. I should have documented Laura's absences and the times when people needed help and she wasn't there, and gone to the chairman. But I didn't. Our friendship became very strained, and we had several arguments over her absences. I also make a remark about the inappropriateness of her work attire. Appropriate dress was casual professional, but Laura's clothing was more suited to a street corner on Saturday night. She was almost middle-aged, yet she wore skin-tight tank tops to work. She didn't do that when she first started the job. It was like something or someone had given her permission to do as she pleased while I endured constant verbal abuse because she wasn't in her office. This began to affect my work performance and several of the faculty complained about my attitude. The chairman put this on my evaluation, that I was "having a continuing problem interacting with colleagues." Yes that was true but it was because of all the stress over being verbally attacked because there was no one to help people in the labs. I would repeatedly tell people I was sorry that Laura was unavailable to assist them and I would leave her a message to come to the lab as soon as she showed up. But somehow it wasn't good enough. The fact that I'd been there 17 years and had 16 excellent evaluations and then suddenly a rather negative one should have been evident to the chair that Laura was the problem. But he either couldn't or deliberatley wouldn't see that the backlash from her absences was having a serious effect on me.
The time came when we were barely speaking. It didn't seem possible that we had ever been friends. Then one day the chairman called me into his office and closed the door. He said that Laura had sent him a 4-page email full of complaints about me. I had no knowledge of this but somehow I wasn't surprised. He then asked me if I was happy with my job. .I said I was, but that I was tired of getting the backlash because Laura was never in her office. He said that Laura often worked nights and weekends and took comp time. I asked him how he knew she had actually been there. He hemmed and hawed around for a few minutes, then he said, "Bottom line, I think you'd be happier in a different job. Somewhere off campus." I was so shocked I couldn't speak. My face burned and I thought i was going to cry. I said, "are you FIRING me?" He said, "No, not at this point. But understand that Laura is threatening to go to Human Resources and file an official complaint against you. She has documented many comments you made to her of a derogatory nature and racist comments about her graduate assistant. She also says you've been downgrading her to the students and faculty."
I immediately asked to see the email, but he wouldn't let me. He said it was confidential. I told him I had a problem with Laura not doing the job she was paid to do, while I worked my butt off. I also told him I had NEVER said anything racist about the graduate assistant, that it was Laura who had complained about him in that manner. I knew better than to ever say anything racist, that was grounds for firing.
The chairman hemmed and hawed some more, and then said, "I'd like to resolve the matter at this level, before it gets to Human Resources. Laura has made some pretty strong accusations against you. What I'd like is for you to immediately begain a job search outside the university. I'll give you a good reference and you can have time off for interviews." I said, "What about me transferring to another department?" He said, "I've already checked the job postings and there's nothing available on your level." I said, "I've been a loyal employee of this university for almost 17 years and you'd throw me out on the say-so of someone who's been here three years?" He said, "You think about what I've said over the weekend and we'll talk again on Monday. I want Laura to be present, I want to be absolutely sure that she's not incorrectly perceived the comments she's accused you of making. I think if you agree to find another job and leave, she won't take the matter further."
Needless to say my weekend was hell. I combed through the online HR staff handbook but found nothing helpful. I cried for hours and couldn't eat. I knew I had said some things to Laura that I shouldn't have said. But four pages' worth? And I knew damn well I had never, ever said anything racist. I knew better than that. I also knew that my boss officially couldn't do what he was doing by telling me to find another job and leave the university. I thought he was probably trying to cover his own ass. I knew Laura well enough to know that once she got on her soapbox about something, she wouldn't back down. She was extremely tough, and I also realized for the first time, absolutely icy inside. She had a core of steel. Too bad I didn't realize all that about her earlier!
By Sunday afternoon, I had made up my mind. I went to my office and cleaned out my desk. I wrote a one-sentence letter of resignation, stating that I was leaving the university to accept a higher-paying position (okay, I hoped it would soon be true!). I put the letter in an envelope, added my master key, id card, and university credit card (cut into pieces) and slid it under the boss's door. As I left the building for the last time, I felt incredibly light and free, as if the burdens of the last three years had suddenly lifted.
Monday morning I expected a call from my boss but none came. I thought he would at least call and say something. I had nearly 3 months of vacation time for which I would be paid, and my insurance would continue through that time as well. I figured that by the end of 3 months, I would have found another job.
No one from my office ever contacted me to ask if I was all right or why I had left so abruptly. I did get an email from the chairman's secretary saying they wanted to take me to lunch, but I declined. I was an emotional wreck, the enormity of what I'd done just now beginning to sink in. My sister came to visit for a few days and she was absolutely horrified at what had happened. She said, "Don't you see that you played right into their hands? They wanted you to quit! You only have your boss's word that the email was as bad as he said. You should have let it go to HR, you had legal rights that you just threw away!" Maybe so, but it was too late. I went through a long period of grief, including many "office dreams" where I'd dream my boss had called and offered me my job back. I also dreamed often about Laura. Apparently she'd decided to go after me because she could. I was only the secretary, easily repleaceable. I think now that she may have threatened to quit unless the chairman forced me to leave or fired me. She really was very good at her job and much more valuable to the university than me. I will never know.
chewedupandspitout, I can't know exactly how you feel but I sure know how I feel. I wasn't fired, but I feel as if I was. I found it hard to get another job because potential employers were always very suspicious about why I'd left the university. People rarely left their employment.
It's been 2 1/2 years and I think about it every day. I've run into my ex-boss several times and he's always been very pleasant. I saw Laura once, coming out of the grocery store, wearing her usual tank top. SHe didn't see me, so I quickly drove away. I wanted no contact with her at all.
WOW--both of your stories are awful. I was fired once, and almost fired once (I chose to quit on the last one). Both times it was a miserable job. Both times I got accused of doing something I ABSOLUTELY did not do. It must be the norm to fabricate a terrible story about an employee that you want to fire.