Five-O-No Archives

Cop hooked over seafood theft
Posted by Fired Fred on May 16, 2007 5:53 PM
Sorry Charlie, but this Connecticut cop has been fired for looting a fish joint out of some prime crustaceans. Check out the rap sheet for this seafood lover...
The Police Commission Tuesday found Joseph Gambardella guilty of 15 departmental charges including lack of truthfulness, conduct unbecoming an officer, failure to submit reports, falsifying records and violating the departments code of ethics.
That's just the departmental stuff. He's looking at three felonies and two misdemeanors too.

Joey Bag O'Shellfish was a bad boy. They say he reeled in $900 bucks worth of shrimp and bagged lobster meat. No pollock or whitefish for our Joey, no sirree, only the best.

He'll have plenty of time to put his own lobster pots out now. The Madison CT police department fired him for satisfying his seafood jones without reserving a table like everyone else.
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You can't treat prison like Vegas
Posted by Fired Fred on June 28, 2007 5:21 PM
The red lights that entice tourists in Sin City are just a wee bit different than the ones cops have on their cars. Norberto Cappas must have been confused by the flashing red when he decided a couple of female prisoners needed to do an impromptu version of Chained Heat...
Internal Affairs investigators found that Cappas ordered the two women to kiss and touch each other and expose their breasts in September 2003. The two had been picked up on suspicion of drug possession, but they had no drugs and were not charged with a crime.
Naughty Totally Fired Norberto compounded the problem by allegedly lying to investigators. If the Philly Inquirer hadn't nosed around about the case last year, he'd probably still be cruising around with his mobile red light district.

I wonder if this is why we have people wanting to build new prisons all over the country. They don't want a full-time inmate population, they just want to be able to pull a bunch of random drunk women into jail and have them act out the better parts of Zumanity in exchange for their freedom.
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Cop deprives department of chance to fire him
Posted by Fired Fred on August 10, 2007 5:19 PM
The old reliable bad boys have come through for me again. Here's how to put yourself in position to be dumped by 5-0 in three easy steps...
Howard Porter, who had been at the department since February 1993 and was paid $44,526 a year, was on paid suspension while the Polk County Sheriff’s Office investigated allegations that Porter had downloaded pornography on a Police Department computer while at work
That's one step...
had shown the pornography to others
there's number two...
and had posted a picture of himself in uniform on his MySpace.com Web page.
Ok, that's three, but I have to say I don't know why it's illegal to put a picture of yourself in uniform on MySpace.

Bad judgment, sure, but have you seen some of the pictures on there? Forget the state fair, the freak show is in the profiles. Wow!

Bonus: Alyssa Milano sounds like she'd make a better manager of the Dodgers than Grady Little. That's seriously hot.
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Sex, divorce, DNA, and some underwear
Posted by Fired Fred on August 21, 2007 5:06 PM
Let's face it, everyone uses stuff at work for personal reasons sometimes. Usually it's just pens, staples, maybe a few hundred sheets of copier or printer paper, a half-dozen filet mignons from the restaurant's freezer. You know, normal stuff.

A forensic scientist for the Michigan State Police has been fired for using things from her workplace for a very personal reason: proving her soon to be ex-husband was playing Hide The Salami with another woman...
Ann Chamberlain, formerly Ann Gordon, was fired for violating department administrative policy, officials said.

At a hearing earlier this year in Ingham County family court, Chamberlain told an attorney representing her former husband, Charles Gordon Jr., that she used crime lab equipment to test his underwear, and found evidence of another woman's DNA.

At a later hearing, Chamberlain said she ran the September 2006 DNA tests on her own time with expired chemicals that otherwise would have been thrown away.
The men and women in blue always find a way to come through for me with a fired story. Analyzer Ann will be ok, I think. If she's good enough at doing the whole CSI thing for real and finding Eau De Tiffany on her hubby's Hanes, someone will hire her.
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The sheriff, his wife, a mistress, and lots of cash
Posted by Fired Fred on October 30, 2007 4:17 PM
All is not bikinis and beach bums in the O.C. Mike Carona is the sheriff with an odd taste for women named Deb. He married one and played "hide the nightstick" with the other.

Those patient, understanding women had a lot to gain from Mikey. Lots and lots of cash. Whatever issues they might have with being the other woman didn't stop them from working together to make sweet, sweet profits...
The gifts -- primarily from former Orange County Assistant Sheriff Don Haidl -- included cash payments of as much as $112,000, a boat, a trip to Lake Tahoe and ringside tickets to the Oscar De La Hoya-Felix Trinidad title fight at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas, the indictment says.
Mikey's been at this for almost ten years, the Feds are saying. They indicted Sheriff Mike, which should mean he'll be trading in the brown uniform shirt for a uniform orange jumpsuit. He's facing 105 years in jail.

This probably rules out any more talk of America's Sheriff heading to Sacramento. If he'd kept himself under control, he could have legally looted taxpayers like every other politician. But he got greedy and started too early.

Image courtesy LA Times
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Taser happy cop gets MySpaced
Posted by Fired Fred on December 6, 2007 4:43 PM
Hey police trainees! What do you do for a follow up after Tasing a pregnant woman?

If you were Michael "I didn't know she was preggers" Wilmer, you make sure your MySpace page has lots of great photos to make your firing an iron-clad case...
Officials said the officer was fired after his MySpace page was discovered while police were investigating the incident with the Taser.

Public Safety Director Mike Etter said they found pictures of evidence that was seized during a drug raid on Wilmer's site.

Etter said there was also a picture of the officer driving a police cruiser more than 100 mph.
Serve and protect, baby.
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Police chief beer thief fired in brief
Posted by Fired Fred on January 10, 2008 5:26 PM
From watching The Simpsons, I always assumed cops could get a beer whenever they wanted. Just walk into Moe's and ask for one.

The world doesn't work that way. You're not in Kansas anymore, but Brian Hill, police chief for Ellsworth, Kansas, was. Then he got thirsty...
A small-town police chief has been fired after he was convicted of stealing beer from the fire department's refrigerator.

Hill was arrested Aug. 1 after a surveillance tape showed him taking the beer. He was convicted of misdemeanor theft on Dec. 26 and given probation. He had been suspended without pay pending an appeal of the conviction.
Beerman Brian should have known he'd be on video. You don't think firemen are going to come back from a call and not notice someone's tapped their stash? He's lucky the firemen didn't use the Jaws of Life on him to get back what he consumed.
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