Airport managers grounded for bagging cash A couple of Fort Lauderdale airport managers received a painful lesson about working for the government. Only the government is allowed to make a profit. You can't just give them ten percent off the top like they were some organized crime boss expecting the vig on side deals.

When a luggage handling company operating at FLL received an audit, the unsmiling paper pushers found two managers violated rule number one about working for The Man...

An audit of Bags to Go and its financial records revealed payments last year of $12,000 to Bryan Malinowski, a business manager for the airport since 2001, and $1,000 to Doris Enriquez, a business manager since 2003.

Malinowski, who oversaw Bags to Go's contract, told investigators that the $12,000 was repayment of a personal loan he made to company president Keith Wiater, to help pay family medical bills. Enriquez said the $1,000 she received was for furniture she sold to a Bags to Go employee.

I'm not exactly a genius business mind, so maybe one of you readers can help me with this. If both of these deals were for personal stuff, a loan and a purchase, why are they on the books of the business where auditors can find them and go OMG WTF?

Juvenile snickering more fun than the firing The story is generic enough. A million dollars (raise that pinky finger) goes missing and someone gets fired over it.

Happens all the time.

Not from an employer with a childishly giggle worthy name...

The Crotched Mountain rehabilitation center has sued a former employee who was fired after the center discovered more than $1 million was missing, and asserts that the worker's family was involved in the disappearance of the money, The Keene Sentinel reported.

Imagine being in social studies class, and it's newspaper reading day. The teacher reads this gem aloud to a bunch of 13-year-olds. "Excuse me, Mr. Garrison, but did you say Crotch?" "No, I said Crotched! Crotched! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!"

Anyway, shouldn't it be Crotched Peak instead of Crotched Mountain? What if it was a valley? Or two perky mountains placed side by side?

Crotched.

Hee hee hee hee hee. I'm so stupid sometimes. If you don't get the hidden joke about the picture, look at its filename. Get it?

Jury pool member says boss sunk her job Let's all say it together. You can't fire someone for doing jury duty. The Feds may not stand up for the little guy or girl very much, but they will if you get the pink slip over this.

The Beaver County Times said a waitress got tossed from her job of 22 years after going to federal court a couple of times in June. She said it happened because she missed work for jury duty.

The ex-boss gets to explain herself to a federal judge next week...

U.S. District Judge David Dowd Jr. in Ohio issued an order Wednesday stating that Jennifer Kaser, owner of Virginia Restaurant and Lounge in Carrollton, Ohio, must appear before him on Aug. 13, after prospective juror Paula D. Abrahims said she was fired by Kaser for reporting for jury duty.

In a court transcript, an unnamed court official said on June 12, "It's against the law, it's a criminal act to discipline somebody because they are called for jury service."

Jury Hater Jennifer could be looking at having to pay Paula back wages and benefits, on top of a penalty for violating federal law. I think the judge ought to make Jennifer serve the court lunch by herself on top of that if they find her guilty.

Santeria didn't make the curriculum I've heard lots of bad stuff about schools in New York City. Everyone there has heard the same stories too, so I don't know why anyone's really surprised that a principal tried a different way of making her school less negative...

A public school principal accused of performing religious rituals with candles, incense and chicken blood in an attempt to cleanse her high school of negative energy has been reassigned and will be fired, the Department of Education said Tuesday.

Maritza Tamayo, principal of the Unity Center for Urban Technologies, paid a woman named Gilda Fonte to lead several Santeria rituals at the Manhattan school during midwinter break in 2006, when students were not there, according to Richard Condon, the special commissioner of investigation for city schools. Tamayo coerced staff members to participate in and help pay for the cost of the ceremonies, investigators said.

If I was a student there, I'd be totally psyched about going back if I heard about this. "No way, I heard they killed a rooster in the cafeteria, and they poured the blood over that old janitor guy who cleans the bathrooms."

I'd be stoked for world religions too. "What did you do in school today, Fred?" "I invoked the spirits of the dead to haunt George Bush, and to help me get Leah to go to Homecoming with me." "I forgot to tell you, she called just before you got here." "YES!"

Fired? Better admit it It seems like everyone working today was fired yesterday, maybe even multiple times. Take the boss too literally at her word that Saturdays are "clothing-optional" and you'll be out the door even if you have all of your work done.

Being equipped like some prehistoric draft animal doesn't help, it just give HR something to highlight more easily in the security tapes during your "gross misconduct" appeal to the unemployment office. So I've heard, anyway.

There's a writer in Canada who says honesty is the best policy when it comes to talking about firings with the next soul-crushing company that interviews you. I'm skeptical, and you should be too, but here's what she has to say...

This may be the time to do a little soul searching. It is important to have an honest look at why you were fired. Recognize your part in it and avoid placing blame on your previous employer. Recruiters and hiring managers are more often looking for your "attitude" and how you deal with tough situations, rather than what actually happened.

Attitude means a positive one here, I think. Whiny biatches don't get second interview callbacks. Then there's this bit...

If you were fired because you did not get along with your supervisor, examine the best way to explain your side of the story, but in a way that does not make that boss look bad. If it was because of personalities, identify what they were.

That's important. Even if your last boss's idea of workplace motivation included screaming and cattle prods, you can't portray her in a negative way to the interviewer. Stupid isn't it, but that's how the world works.

Guy with long name fired in Poland I've never been to Poland, but it sounds like they've got a government model straight out of the Chicago or Miami handbooks on running things. They just had to fire their interior minister for the kind of reasons you normally see in a Carl Hiaasen column in the Miami Herald.

Say bye bye to Janusz Kaczmarek...

Prime minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski said Mr Kaczmarek had been sacked under suspicion of having leaked classified information, obstructing an investigation into alleged bribery at the ministry of agriculture.

Janusz joins another official with a slightly more pronounceable name who got tossed last month. They busted Andrzei Lepper for taking a little bit of under the table, grease the wheels cash to engage in some hot rezoning action.

Someone dropped a zloty (Polish currency, thanks Google!) on Andrzei Needs-A-Vowel about the investigation, he found out and went whistleblower hunting. He's claiming angelic innocence.

The rest of the Polish government is even less efficient right now than the collection of thieves, glad handlers, war hawks, and double talkers we have in DC. I'll sleep better knowing we're not number one in 'governments that need a cleansing enema or two' anymore.

Cop deprives department of chance to fire him The old reliable bad boys have come through for me again. Here's how to put yourself in position to be dumped by 5-0 in three easy steps...

Howard Porter, who had been at the department since February 1993 and was paid $44,526 a year, was on paid suspension while the Polk County Sheriff’s Office investigated allegations that Porter had downloaded pornography on a Police Department computer while at work

That's one step...

had shown the pornography to others

there's number two...

and had posted a picture of himself in uniform on his MySpace.com Web page.

Ok, that's three, but I have to say I don't know why it's illegal to put a picture of yourself in uniform on MySpace.

Bad judgment, sure, but have you seen some of the pictures on there? Forget the state fair, the freak show is in the profiles. Wow!

Bonus: Alyssa Milano sounds like she'd make a better manager of the Dodgers than Grady Little. That's seriously hot.

K-Fed secretly axed from film >We've fired K-Fed from his tiny part in Keanu Reeves' 'The Night Watchman' without telling him. Let's see what happens when he arrives on the set.<

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Excuse me? Who are you?"

"I'm Kevin. Which way to wardrobe?"

"There ain't no Kevin working in wardrobe."

"No, no, I'm here to shoot my scene today."

"Who the hell are you?"

"I told you, I'm Kevin. Kevin Federline."

"Dude, you ain't on the list."

"Wha???"

"Security? We have a situation."

"But my manager said it's all set for today!" (phone rings in his pocket; he answer, looks embarrassed, leaves.)

"Damn freak. Go back to suing Britney over the kids!"

Accused stalker dribbled off the court. Coach? I wanted to write about this yesterday but my router died a painful heat death. Let that be a lesson, just because something has been marked as an open box return by an electronics retailer (that Lucas says I can't name under any circumstances) doesn't mean the scumbag who returned it didn't slip a busted unit through the returns desk and take the cash.

Even with that, I'm still better off than ex-Florida A&M hoops coach Mike Gillespie. Meandering Mike was accused of stalking back in May. The U decided they didn't want to spend the fall with a coach who might be in court more often than on the court...

Gillespie has been on paid administrative leave since May 30, five days after he was arrested by Tallahassee police and charged with one count of misdemeanor stalking.

"This employment action is in the best interest of the men's basketball program and the university," Ammons wrote in the Aug. 13 letter.

It gets better.

Mike Jr just happens to be one of Dad's assistant coaches. He wants his Dad's old job...

"(Townsend) said he was unsure in which direction the administration was going, but that it was his hope that Avery and I could still be a part of the program," Gillespie Jr. told the Tallahassee Democrat by phone Tuesday evening.

"I told him it was my desire to be named interim coach for the remainder of the season. I thought Avery and I deserved that chance. We recruited these guys and helped lead them to a championship."

I don't need to be a hardcore sports book dude to know a sucker bet when I see one. When the U finds a new coach, that guy will fire Junior and everyone else the former coach hired about three milliseconds after he signs a contract.

I can suggest a place where they can search for a basketball coach job. They're going to need the love and support Simply Hired can give them in their time of need.

Tech toppers tossed at Technorati and PodTech I'd hoped to have some extra time to work on my fantasy football draft wishlist today. I don't know why the hell we're drafting in the middle of August but whatever. I'll just be happy if I can draft Steven Jackson, assuming I have my eighth straight year of not getting to pick first.

I've got websites open, magazines spread all over the Futon Of Love, a chewed-up pencil writing out my fifteenth draft order, when in comes an email from Lucas.

He's all excited because a couple of the local CEO's have been kicked harder than a Nate Kaeding field goal. Everyone talks about SoCal being the center of gossip because of Hollywood, but Silicon Valley has it beat.

Teenage girls could take lessons from Lucas, I'll put it that way. This TechCrunch blog that Lucas adores could give some tips to the tweens too.

Their main blogger, Michael Arrington, has a way with the firing news, I'll give him that...

PodTech CEO John Furrier is out. James McCormick, the COO, steps up to the CEO position. The company also announced that 1938 Media is no longer partnering with them, which is a real loss.

Sifry’s last blog post as CEO of the company was representative of his entire tenure - vague and cold. Layoffs also occurred today but Sifry didn’t mention them until the end. The blog post sort of went like this:

me….me…me…and oh yeah we layed off eight people.

Sifry also refers to himself as a “great leader� in the fourth paragraph of his post.

Yeah, great leaders fire themselves all the time. Not. I don't think Jack Welch ever put himself in the bottom ten percent of people he routinely canned at General Electric.

Lawyer splits Brit, splits from Brit Laura Wasser may have helped Mom Of The Year candidate Britney Spears out of her marriage to K-Fed, but the head-shaving pop princess will need the Yellow Pages to find a new lawyer.

TMZ says people say there are some things even a lawyer won't do, and in Legally Laura's case, that thing is continue to fatten up her bank account with Britney's retainer fees...

There's probably good reason -- with Spears flipping out before our eyes, it's pretty amazing Wasser was able to get a 50/50 custody split in the settlement.

As for why Wasser wants out, we're guessin' crisis of conscience.

Crisis of conscience? Lawyer? Celebrity? In the same story? Do you think so? Or have I used too many question marks?

Image courtesy of TMZ.com

Ever get that rundown just-fired feeling? The story is missing some details, but maybe that's just the way they do news in England. Even without all the facts, the tale of a delivery driver getting fired for being run over by an angry motorist has a few laughs...

He was parked in a field gateway nearby when a silver car pulled up and the driver took his registration details, drove up the road and then turned around to come back.

"I got out of the cab to talk to him, but he didn't slow down. He hit me. He must have been travelling at about 25mph."

While Mr Acock was recovering from the bruising to his arms, legs and neck, he received the letter from the company telling him he had been sacked for gross misconduct.

He said: "It said that the driver had made a complaint that I had verbally abused him.

"I admit I probably shouted something, but after he ran me over.

"The letter also says I caused damage to his bonnet. Maybe I did, but only because I landed on it when he drove into me."

Where to start? The guy's name? The complaint about denting the hood of the car that hit Mr. Acock? The verbal abuse? I know I'd drop a few F-bombs on someone who plowed into me.

This guy's lucky his little run-in didn't happen in America. The car hitting him probably would have been a massive SUV doing 70. Mr. Acock (hee hee hee) would be picking his namesake bits out of the driveshaft (hahaha, driveshaft) if he was lucky. This inspired me to haiku.

Guy gets run over
He's fired for cursing out loud
Sucks to be Acock

Sex, divorce, DNA, and some underwear Let's face it, everyone uses stuff at work for personal reasons sometimes. Usually it's just pens, staples, maybe a few hundred sheets of copier or printer paper, a half-dozen filet mignons from the restaurant's freezer. You know, normal stuff.

A forensic scientist for the Michigan State Police has been fired for using things from her workplace for a very personal reason: proving her soon to be ex-husband was playing Hide The Salami with another woman...

Ann Chamberlain, formerly Ann Gordon, was fired for violating department administrative policy, officials said.

At a hearing earlier this year in Ingham County family court, Chamberlain told an attorney representing her former husband, Charles Gordon Jr., that she used crime lab equipment to test his underwear, and found evidence of another woman's DNA.

At a later hearing, Chamberlain said she ran the September 2006 DNA tests on her own time with expired chemicals that otherwise would have been thrown away.

The men and women in blue always find a way to come through for me with a fired story. Analyzer Ann will be ok, I think. If she's good enough at doing the whole CSI thing for real and finding Eau De Tiffany on her hubby's Hanes, someone will hire her.

Wal-Mart Julie has to go to Arkansas Julie Roehm has been my favorite fired person to follow over the past year. She's the marketing executive who got canned by Wal-Mart, accused of doing the Akon in Trinidad Grind with her assistant while taking favors from an ad agency in exchange for possibly throwing some of Sam Walton's company cash their way and going for rides in some ad guy's expensive car and then her and Sean Womack, that's her assistant, they show up on stage together three months after she got fired, so there's no way these two haven't sampled each other's nectar, I mean come on.

Anyway...

A state judge in Michigan has sided with Wal-Mart Stores Inc. and dismissed a lawsuit by former marketing executive Julie Roehm over her firing, saying the case should be filed in Arkansas.

In a ruling filed Monday, Oakland County Circuit Judge Denise Langford Morris said almost all aspects of the case took place in Arkansas and that Roehm's contract with Wal-Mart stipulated that any disputes should be litigated in courts there.

She's probably as thrilled as anyone else that she has to go to Arkansas for any length of time. I mean what's there to do in Arkansas, besides take a tour of all the motels where Bill Clinton used to allegedly take Little Slick to visit who knows how many women not named Hillary Rodham?

Lovelorn court clerk gets gaveled Bad idea = becoming intimate with someone who's going to spend a lot of time in a federal pen for drug crimes.

Worse idea = starting that romantic affair while working for the federal court system.

WTF were you thinking idea = filing a complaint against the prosecutor who put her dear sweet druggie in jail for life...

Jane Cross, 57, came under scrutiny in June, after she filed a Washington State Bar Association complaint against Kurt Hermanns, an assistant U.S. attorney in Tacoma who handled the prosecution of William G. Moore on methamphetamine and other charges in the mid-1990s. She was placed on leave and subsequently fired last week.

The bar complaint accused Hermanns of committing perjury in Moore's case - an accusation that appears unfounded - and made clear that Cross, who had handled filings in Moore's case since 2000, was advocating for him, apparently in violation of her oath to remain impartial in carrying out her duty.

The court system basically flipped out over Cross crossing the line. It sounds like they had everyone but the Coast Guard investigating her. They figured she would do a little paperwork sleight of hand in the Ninth Circuit Court, and her and her boy toy would be sailing into a Mexican sunset before you could say "order for release."

Astros bench manager and GM The Astros aren't the worst team in baseball, not as long as Tampa Bay continues to have a franchise. Houston even has a winning record at home.

On the road, they fare about as well as stranded tourists dangling Benjamins in downtown LA after midnight, only without the usual pleasantness associated with a vicious beating and robbery. Stros owner Drayton McLane woke up this morning and decided enough was enough and canned GM Tim Purpura and manager Phil Garner...

McLane said he met with Purpura following the Astros' 5-4 win over the Pirates on Sunday and informed him of his decision. Monday morning, McLane called Garner and dismissed him.

"[Purpura] was disappointed," McLane said. "He certainly wanted to continue, but I felt, for a number of reasons, we needed a new direction, a new configuration. To play with more enthusiasm and to be a champion."

Those numbers of reasons could be 73, as in losses this year, or 252, Phil's losses over the past four plus years.

EarthLink disconnecting 900 workers Wall Street partied hard when EarthLink announced it would send 900 workers to the unemployment line. Seriously, check it out, it went up 48 cents a share when rich people found out EarthLink was creating plenty of applicants for Wal-Mart greeter jobs.

If you read a little bit more, it looks like EarthLink is on its way to being roadkill anyway...

The moves come as the company continues struggling to generate revenues as dial-up access customers turn to high-speed alternatives from cable and phone companies.

"Struggling to generate revenues" is 21st Century speak for "dinosaur thrashing in its death throes while Thog and Urp decide how they want to carve up the meat."

Watch what happens to the stock tomorrow, when people realize that everything EarthLink touches, dial-up, municipal wi-fi, and the Helio wireless stuff in Korea, turns to loads of aromatic poo. Fired by EarthLink? Fired by the stockholders next, I'll bet.

Greedy fired Wal-Mart exec getting a spanking Home detention these days isn't what it was back when people didn't have the Internet, or even cable. You get sent to your room these days, you've got video on demand, torrents everywhere, music to download, a zillion social networking sites. There's no time to realize you're being punished when you have a blog to update.

Tom Coughlin used to be a million bucks a year Wal-Martian in their executive trenches. He got busted last year for ripping off gift cards and money from Wally World.

That stuff added up to wire fraud and tax fraud charges. The Bushies crack hard on tax fraud, because that deprives the war machine's black hole of money money money.

Not for this guy. Instead of 28 years of being a greeter in the showers of some federal penitentiary, ol' Tom got off easy. Home detention and probation.

As you'll hear when college football starts up this weekend, not so fast my friend. Ol' Tom's facing a resentencing...

The established sentence of 27 months home detention and 33 months of additional probation was too light, according to the appeals court. It still amazes me that a 28-year veteran of the world's largest retailer rose to where he was in the company's hierarchy only to see some unbelievably stupid actions cause him to be fired and charged with tax and fraud crimes.

For real. This guy's got an arrogance gland the size of his fat ass.